My friend's Christmas letter- subtitled by me: "A boomer in transition"

Every Christmas newsletter is interesting to me, because the authors write about the best of their experiences, which are appreciated. Nevertheless, one particular newsletter received from Norm, a Dundalk High School friend, captured my attention this year, because the narrative describes the situaton of being a baby boomer in transition. We read about how Norm and his wife were searching for how they would fit into a new community, in spite of the unexpected transitional challenges they faced while trying to accomplish their goal.  I titled this Let's Write Christmas essay as "A Boomer in Transition". 

I'm reasonably certain that my friend Norm did not mean for his Christmas letter to be an existential metaphor about baby boomers. Yet, for the purposes of this blog, in my opinion, he wrote in a personal way about how life's inevitable transitions can be confronted with optimism, regardless of the salient challenges we must eventually resolve, as time marches on.

Norm introduces the letter with a short preamble. "Once again the Christmas Season 2019, has again caught up and almost passed me.  I have lots of excuses but don't have time to list them all. Wishing you and yours the Merriest of Christmases and the Happiest of New Years from Norm and Uni."

This seasonal clip art addition to Norm's letter is meaningftul, because one of the ornaments depicts an owl, our Dundalk High School mascot.

Dear Friends,
Wishing all a MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!! You can see by the above address that we no longer live in Georgia and moved last April to Florida. 

It’s funny the way things happen. 

We had a lovely home in Georgia and some nice friends but missed being closer to family and considered moving back north to Virginia. We visited homes in the Fredericksburg area but after due consideration (too much crazy traffic) decided to remain in Georgia. Our closest friends in Georgia returned from a trip to Texas visiting family and told us they had decided to move closer to family there. At that point we decided we wanted to live closer to the ocean and started looking for homes in Florida. We visited Fernandina Beach, FL in northeast FL and really liked it. Found some lovely homes but there was always something that kept us from making an offer. We then decided to get our home in GA ready for sale. It wasn’t too hard since we maintained it well, but we did do some major changes, like hardwood floors on two carpeted rooms downstairs and putting in French doors to another downstairs room so there were 2 master suites on the first floor.

By this time, we had also found a home in Fernandina Beach that we knew would need some work, since it was built in 2007. Our offer was taken, and we were off to the selling and buying races. The day our home in GA went on the market, a full price offer was made and accepted, but something was not right. The wife loved the house, but the husband kept visiting the home looking to nitpick small things on a home that was 11 years old. A set of French doors leading from the second master suite to the deck needed replacing, which we did but in the process the installers broke the door handles. I won’t bore you with the trials and tribulations over that or other incidents, but the buyers canceled the contract the day before settlement, no matter we sold it a few weeks later. 

Unfortunately, the real problem in this move, I caused. 

While doing most of our packing I went to the attic over the garage, which was mostly covered with flooring except in a small area. There were some boxes that I wanted to use laying on sheetrock and as I bent over to pick them up my foot slipped off a beam and through the ceiling I came. Luckily, I was able to grab a beam instead of dropping 15ft down to the concrete garage. I crashed onto the floor and crushed my right heel, worst bones in the foot to break. Had I not grabbed a beam only God knows what would have happened. I became an invalid and Uni had to do everything herself. She was not happy with me and I don’t blame her. We moved in but shortly thereafter Uni visited her ailing mother in Korea. I’m still recovering but limping less each day. Since we moved in, we painted the house, redid the kitchen, landscaped, painted the garage inside, and many other necessary projects. Our home is on a cul de sac and fortunately for us we have great neighbors. 

A new home was being built on lot next to ours, so that was fun. If we ever move again, it will be to a condo or assisted living. So now you know what happened to Norm and Uni. 

Hopefully, by next Christmas, everything will be completely settled. Uni decorated the house for Christmas as I am of little real help. Everything looks great. The kitchen remodel was only to take a few days but took 2 weeks. That meant 2 weeks without a kitchen sink, fun fun, fun. 

But I digress, BEST WISHES FOR A HAPPY AND JOYFUL CHRISTMAS SEASON AND MAY THE NEW YEAR BRING YOU HEALTH AND HAPPINESS!!

Norm and Uni

Maine Writer "Let's Write" post script- Get Well Norm!

Eulogy to Stanley Daniel Selenski - The Lion in Winter rest in peace

Although I was unable to attend the Funeral Mass celebrated in Baltimore, MD, to tribute the life of my friend Stan, this eulogy given at the Roman Catholic liturgy expressed my emotions and is a much better life review than I could have written.  Stan's yearbook picture and message is scanned from our Dundalk High School yearbook.  I have difficulty reading his handwriting but I believe the inscription is, "Dear Julie, when two people love one another, it doesn't matter who loves the other the most. I have enough love for two....(and after that, I cannot decipher the remainder of the message.)  xox.

Stan's email address was TheLionInWinter@aol.com
He was always on stage.....

From: bonniegypt <bonniegypt@aol.com>
Date: Saturday, November 30, 2019
Subject: Eulogy

Dundalk High School Mini Reunion 2017 Julie and Stan

All the world's a stage, and all men and women merely players. They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays many parts. The person we have come to honor here today definitely took Shakespeare’s words to heart.

Stanley Daniel Selenski entered the world stage on June 23, 1945, in a taxi going through the Holland Tunnel. Such a dramatic entry into this world would set the stage for a lifetime of stories.

Stanley would never get to know his Father because he was killed in the war before he was born and since his Mother never re-married, he grew up as an only child. He spent his entire childhood in Dundalk, where he attended public school and St. Rita’s Catholic Church. After he graduated from Dundalk H.S. he entered the seminary to study theology in Ontario, Canada. He had just turned 18 that summer and believed that God was calling him. He would only spend 1 year in the seminary but to quote his recollection of that time in his life he said “I can honestly say that I felt more at peace with myself, my world and my God that one year in the seminary than I have ever since”.

Throughout his childhood, his educational pursuits, his professional life, and most recently, in his Zumba class, he was known to everyone as Stan or Stanley.

Sometime around 1965 he adopted the role of Bradley Ian-Fitzwilliam Grant. This is what I would call his longest running theatrical portrayal of a very complex character. In this role he would be able to concoct elaborate stories, which were basically true, but which usually included a lot of added commentary, so you were never quite sure where to draw the line between fact and fiction.

In 1967 his Mom passed away and at 22 years of age he found himself alone which would be the beginning of his “one man shows”. It was during this time that he assumed the role of an activist, standing up for equal rights, no matter what the consequences, going so far as to travel to Washington and then to Philadelphia to attend a protest against discrimination.

In the late 70’s he purchased a home on Eutaw Place in a neighborhood that was in transition. He was determined to restore it to its former grandeur. It was a labor of love which included adding a gilded gas light dining room chandelier, floor to ceiling tapestries, brocade drapes and an entire wall mural of the ancient Egyptian “Judgement Day” painted by his friend. He added a beautiful garden with a koi pond and his favorite banana tree and elephant ear plants. He became an advocate for the Reservoir Hill neighborhood and convinced the city to repair the Druid Hill Park fountain.

Bradley loved to attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans and after several visits he was encouraged by a friend to experience Mardi Gras in Rio. After his first visit in 1984, he immediately fell in love. It was at that time he got the chance to take on a foreign role. He was cast in the role of Leandro Barbosa. For this role he would have to learn Portuguese so he signed up to learn a word a day. He also took private lessons in Baltimore and went to language school in Rio. He became proficient in the language which enabled him to act as a tour guide for all who went to visit him. 

Some of us may only have known him as Stanley, or Bradley, or Leandro. A few may have even seen his “off Broadway” character Peyton York. But several of us had the opportunity to see him play all three characters. And a character he was! He said that most people described his as “theatrical”. The world was definitely his stage and he enjoyed playing many parts. He would often say “I don’t sing or dance very well, but I do both often with great joy”. At times he was flamboyant, sometimes a little outrageous, but always joyful.

His exits would often go unnoticed, and he was known for slipping out of an event undetected, but his entrances were not to be missed. He would usually enter a room, arms flailing, singing some Broadway number at the top of his lungs, letting you know he had arrived!

He would often startle people when he was out in public. He would strike up conversations with complete strangers, and when I would suggest that maybe sometimes he was scaring people, he would remark “I’m just trying to be friendly”!

Depending on which chapter of his life you were involved in, you may have seen him play the part of Seminarian, Activist, English Teacher, Archivist, Taxi Driver, Gemologist, Nursing Home Administrator, or Zumba dancer.

The common thread that we have probably all experienced is sharing a meal together. All three characters had a voracious appetite. Bradley would organize a huge dinner party at Tio Pepe’s where he would order a roasted suckling pig and it would remind me of a medieval feast. I believe he missed his calling as a professional food critic. He could tell you which Chinese restaurant had the best Wonton soup and chicken chow mein, where to get the best Pho, who made the best snowballs because they shaved the ice just right, who had the best crab cakes and lamb chops, and where you could get the best bang for the buck in Brasil. He would also lament about how there used to be 4 shrimp positioned a certain way on the plate and now they only gave you 3...and of course they didn't give you enough sauce anymore, and the crab imperial just wasn't as crispy on the top as it once was. He frequented the Acropolis and Dock of the Bay but as Andrew and Bonnie Russo can attest to this, I believe his favorite place to go was Fago De Chao. It was there that he could satisfy his carnivorous appetite and speak Portuguese to the waiters.

He would celebrate his Birthday for an entire month by strategically scheduling his lunch and dinner dates to cover all his favorite restaurants and food groups. And let's not forget steamed crabs! He would announce to me that he had crabs with cousin Barbara, or his Godchild Christine, or Marianne, or with his Zumba group. He loved the crab soup that Allen's friend made and Terry's meatloaf and Bonnie’s raspberry thumb print cookies! He absolutely loved food. He never really learned to cook but he did have a unique talent in persuading others to cook for him.

Another common thread was that all three were very frugal. My husband would say that he could make a buffalo squeal while holding onto a nickel. In the month before he passed he told me that he thought the cancer had gone to his brain because he had let a coupon expire!

As frugal as he was while he was living, he was equally generous in death. He is not physically here with us today because he donated his body to the Anatomy board to be used for the advancement of medical science.

When Bradley was first diagnosed with lung cancer it came as no surprise. He had smoked a good part of his life and even though he had stopped many years ago, he knew it was too late. He was proud of the fact that he had managed to get through his entire life without ever being hospitalized. When the surgeon recommended removing part of his lung, he was somewhat optimistic that he could beat this disease. During the surgery the doctor discovered that it had spread to his chest wall, and other areas, so he just closed him back up. That is when he started his three years of chemo and radiation treatments. After the first year he was declared to be "in remission". He was so excited that he could travel again to his "happy place" in Brasil. For the past 35 years he would fly, like a migrating bird, to the warmth of Brasil, to avoid the winter months here. He did not like the cold, and at the site of the first pumpkin, he would purchase his ticket to spend the next 4 to 6 months in Rio. Several of us had the pleasure to visit him there and he was all too happy to share his love of Rio with you.

When he returned from Rio he was told that the cancer had returned which meant 2 more years of varied forms of treatments. After 3 years his body decided that it could not endure anymore.

He was admitted to Gilchrist on October 1st for what was supposed to be a 5 day Respite care. They had later planned on moving him to a full care facility but that was not to be the case. He had many visitors during his time there. Even though many of us had known him for 40 or 50 years we were meeting each other for the very first time. He had a way of compartmentalizing things…even his friends. We joked, we laughed, we reminisced….up until those last few days. When the hospice Rabbi came into the room to offer solace to him and those in attendance, he wished the Rabbi a Happy New Year in Hebrew. He was definitely a multi-faceted individual.

I called Fr. Joe to notify him that Stanley had been placed in Hospice care at Gilchrist and he requested that he come to see him. He had great respect for Fr. Joe and had remarked that “when Fr. Joe looks at me I think he can see right into my soul”. I would later find out that it was Bradley’s soul he had been looking into!

In the month before his passing we spoke of many things. He mentioned that he lived a full life and there wasn't really anything left in the bucket. He realized the end was near but that even though he was prepared, he wasn't quite ready to step through that door. He was a devout Catholic so he had made his peace with God and he had no fears. In those final 2 weeks he shared with me that he was giving up the fight and he felt that there were no reasons for him to continue. He had no immediate family, he had no spouse, and he had no purpose to carry on. I tried to explain that he had an entire network of friends who cared for him deeply and would miss him if he was gone. Seeing all of you here today proves that I was correct. He was surrounded by many of his friends in his final days, and he is being honored by your presence here today, which is a testament to the friendships he made throughout his life.

Stanley, Bradley, and Leandro, you have played your parts well and have kept your audiences entertained. This time your exit did not go un-noticed. You may have created a void in our lives but over the years you have filled us with so much joy. On October 11th, you took your final bow, the stage went dark, and the curtains came to a close.

Durma Com Os Anjos.......May you sleep with the Angels.